She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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