how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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