At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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