this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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