I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
