im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so let's talk penis.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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