Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I smell stomach acid.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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