Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
