the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
