I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
