I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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