So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
