he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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