She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
