...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
