i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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