I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
