Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
