I CAN MOONWALK!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
