So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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