i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
