All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
