I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
