Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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