We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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