He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
