I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
