i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
