I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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