Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
