saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
