Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
