so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
