he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
