we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
