Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
