your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
