No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
