nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
