just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
