Jerry, you need to find god
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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