just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
