jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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