you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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