I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
