you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
