Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
