I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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