if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
last night I used snow as a chaser
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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