My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
