So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Boobs speak an international language.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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