she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
