I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
