1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
