oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize