dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
