smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
