we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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