how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
