I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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