I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So much Jack, so little girl.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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