He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
