I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
