Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
