We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need a burrito and a hug.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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