About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
