just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
