TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
